Books - The Areas of My Expertise

I assume you have all seen the I'm a Mac, I'm a PC commercials starring Justin Long and that other guy.



Well, that other guy is John Hodgman, an author and humorist. You might also recognize him from The Daily Show with John Stewart. My first experience with Hodgman, besides the Mac ads, is from his first book.

Hodgman's first book is titled "An Almanac of Complete World Knowledge Compiled with Instructive Annotation and Arranged in Useful Order by Me, John Hodgman a Professional Writer, in The Areas of My Expertise Which Include Matters Historical - Matters Literary - Matters Cryptozooilogical - Hobo Matters - Food, Drink, & Cheese (a Kind of Food) Squirrels & Lobsters & Eels Haircuts - Utopia What Will Happen in the Future and Most Other Subjects." Yes, that is the title. And yes, the book is as great and bizarre as the title makes it sound.

The Areas of My Expertise is 236 pages of weird and wacky essays, table, charts, and "helpful" guides. Here are some of his chapter titles:
"Jokes That Have Never Produced Laughter"
"Hints on Building Snow Forts"
"History's Worst Men's Haircuts"
"Some Prophets Who Were Not Actuaries"
"Hobo Matters"
"Some Useful Hobo Signs"
"Short Words for Use on Submarines to Preserve Oxygen"
"Lobster-Claw vs Pigeon-Foot Deformaties"
"Colonial Jobs Involving Eels"
"Little-Known Laws of Two American Communities"

There are many many more chapters and sections just like these. My favorite chapter was "Seven Hundred Hobo Names," which actually was a list of 700 names for Hobos. Really. It goes on for 5 pages. Some of my favorite names:
Hobo Zero
Ghostly Nose Silvie
Shakey Aitch the Boneyard Concierge
Crispus T. Muzzlewitt
Crumbjacket Timmy
Old Pliny Dance-for-Ham
Tailstump Guther, the Vestigial Man
Utility-Belt Deana

Remember, there are 700 of these! Anyone who is bizarre and creative enough to actually come up with 700 hobo names like this is someone you need to read. Seriously, this whole book is great like this.

Hodgman goes over the 51 states (he includes a mythological state know as Hohoq) and gives "facts" and notes. For my home state of Colorado:
Nickname: The Dwarrodelf
State Flower: Formerly the Rocky Mountain Columbine, now renamed the Rocky Mountain Pretty, Pretty Flower
He goes on to talk about how we are a state of underground cities, the chief of which was NORAD and is ruled by a talking computer. So, that sounds about right.

Anyway, if you found any of the above excepts funny or enjoyable, you should check out this book. If, however, you found it weird and stupid, skip the book, because the whole thing is like that. I loved it though, so give it a chance.