It Could Be Worse Week: Showcase Presents Superman: Part 11

This is the eleventh of numerous posts on Showcase Presents: Superman. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed the stories.Now, this won't be like most comic blogs with scanned pictures posted throughout. Mostly because I don't have a scanner, but the stories should speak for themselves, but also because I want to go through the whole book in the next few weeks, and I want non-comics readers to enjoy the kookiness that us comics readers understand from the Silver Age. While I may mock these stories, I am not making anything up, this is all straight from the comics! While I may mock, I love these stories and the character of Superman. This is great stuff! The cover scans are from the Grand Comic Book Database.


Action #246

"Krypton on Earth!"

Long Story Short: "A 'swindler' wants diamonds more than money."


Jonas Smith a, frankly, crazy real estate promoter creates an island development which is a replica of Superman's home planet, Krypton. A quote: "That atomic plant will heat all homes! We're using all of Krypton's best features, even their clothing! And it will be a community free of slums!" And there will be no criminals! How? Well, "When families buy a home here, each member's fingerprints are checked with the FBI files." You know, all of this sounds very illegal.


We shortly find out that Jonas Smith is actually "Swindler" Smith (gasp!). Superman is invited to attend a ceremony where he is crowned the honorary king of of Krypton-on-Earth (there's that modesty again). A giant statue/lighthouse is constructed in the image of Superman and the light beams from his eyes are suddenly turned to X-Rays, which will melt ships. First, light bulbs creating X-Rays?! Second, X-Rays melting ships??!! Back at the ceremonies, Superman gets choked up when he sees wax figures of his parents. You know, he seems to see them every other issue, and he has wax figures of his own in his Fortress of Solitude, why is he still crying about it?


Now it starts to get really weird. Smith has Superman perform all sorts of feats (remember, this is just to sell property). One of his feats involves creating diamonds from coals, which will be destroyed shortly thereafter. There is then a reenactment of Krypton's destruction, which seems a little odd considering Smith wants people to move to a replica. A fake planet explodes, which means Superman needs to save the crowd from falling debris.


Shortly after that a rocket with a baby is launched. Turns out it was a lead baby full of the diamonds that were never destroyed. Smith asks Superman for an autograph and he recognizes, using his "super-memory," Smith's fingerprints. He is quickly attacked with Kryptonite, but he is able to escape using a flag and some wind (seriously). He then rushes off to arrest Smith and his cronies. The next day he carries a branch of the Metropolis Real Estate Co to the island so that the people who already bought into the community will not be cheated. The community is then renamed Kryptonopolis. Neat!


Let's think about many of the richest people in the world today...how did most of them make their money? Was it diamonds? No! It was real estate. "Swindler" Smith is an idiot!


Anyway, it could be worse, at least our housing crisis was caused by greedy mortgage brokers and spurred on by silly legislation allowing for, and in fact forcing, stupid loans, and not some maniac who thinks he can make more money from diamonds than from real estate.


Also, it could be worse, we could be living in a world with an egomanical super hero with a God complex and who spends more times visiting celebrations and orphanage and trying to keep people from discovering his secret identity rather than actually helping those in need. That would just give us false hope!